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It's Not Just About Power and Control

Domestic Abuse is not just about power and control. It is about entitlement. It is fairly common knowledge that abusers are often diagnosed as narcissists. The definition; A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance. Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.

“I am entitled to all your time and attention. I’m entitled to call you names, tell you what to wear, tell you how to act. I am entitled to your cell phone, to call or show up at your workplace, to control your finances. I can order you to have sex whenever I want because I am entitled. I am entitled to know where you go and what you do every minute. I am entitled because I own you.”

To say it is just about power and control assumes that it can be “corrected”. Take away his/her power. Dress as you want, go where you want. Don’t let him/her control your actions. This is a dangerous line of thought. The Narcissist regards any move you make to lessen control as criticism and cause for punishment. Domestic violence and injuries are not as much about power and control as it is about punishing the victim for “criticizing” any words or actions of the abuser.

It is important to be aware of this dynamic to protect yourself by not confronting or challenging your abuser but, instead, by quietly removing yourself and your children from the situation before he/she is aware of it.

. Do not give him/her a sense that you are questioning or criticizing. Remove yourself to safety and do not give your abuser the chance to challenge your decision.

Remember what your abuser believes. He/she is entitled to your emotions, your finances, you physical health, your possessions…your life.


Stop Domestic Violence

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