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They’re charming

With attentiveness, flirtatiousness, and “I can’t get enough of you,” the narcissistic charmer is a shrewd operator in what to do to get you to admit that they “had you at hello.”

They’re confident

They tell you all about their many successes in business and all aspects of life. They talk of being the CEO of a Fortune 500 business and boast of multi-million- dollar deals.

Because you're trusting, and they're so self-assured, you don't verify their past.

They are highly insecure. They are all smoke and mirrors.

They’re "well-educated"

Casually, they mention their elite universities, Summa Cum Laude, all with such humility.

They’re actually, usually, under-educated. (But, caution! Not always!)

They pass themselves off as intelligent

You can’t believe you can bring up any topic and they know it! You think they're smart and articulate.

They’re not wise. But they do know how to redirect once they've exhausted their superficial knowledge on the subject.

And they know to always distract you when redirection is needed.

They’re friendly

Boasting of friends all over the globe, the friendly narcissist tells you they're loved by many. You'll hear of friends in faraway places, and even former lovers who still think they're fantastic..

They actually, have very few to zero friends. You won’t know this until you try to meet them, at which time your narcissist will have a gazillion excuses why the time isn’t right.

They'll tear down your happiness

You are finally so happy to have found someone who totally gets you. Because you believe they're confident, and intelligent, you can vent away and they'll listen with rapt attention.

But, soon, you start to worry that you're not good enough.

Like a slow drip, the degradation drops subtly and eventually fills you with shame and disempowerment. And it happens when you experience the slightest elevated mood that had nothing to do with the narcissist.

They claim to share your beliefs

Whether you’re religious, spiritual, or value family above all else or work above all else, they always agree with whatever you value. If you are faith-oriented, they become a new member at your church. They will tell you (probably a lie) how their childhood experience with religion shaped the integrity and soul of whom they have become today.

Actually, they are without values. It’s all part of the show to reel you by adhering to whatever you hold near and dear. They believe in only one higher power: Themselves.

They'll pretend to be inclusive

The narcissist tells you to have everyone join you for dinner, at your home, or out to a party. As the saying goes, it’s all fun and games until they see your having fun without them is the sole reason for your happy mood.

They are experts in alienation. If you are at a party and wander off or leave their side for more than five minutes, there will be a consequence down the road.

They claim they are a person of integrity

They go to great lengths to prove how kind they are; how loyal and trustworthy they are to all their many friends.

A narcissistic personality will share stories of how they’ve supported their friends, that will bring tears to your eyes. And then you wonder, "How could I be so lucky?"

They’re deceptive. Their moral compass is nonexistent. They will stop at nothing to get their own needs met. They fabricate stories of the kindness but you accept them because you’ll never meet these supposed friends.

They are dynamic and adventurous, especially with sex

They surprise you with romantic getaways and give you amorous attention. They whisper sexual fantasies to you and tell you what a wonderful lover they are. Yet, they’re actually incapable of fulfilling your needs. You are left with words that vaporize into thin air. The narcissist is incapable of experiencing emotional connection, so put all of the responsibility of that sense of disconnection on you.

The feeling of emptiness in you is so prevalent that you spend more and more time with your looks, exercise more, all the while second-guessing yourself about your own sexuality.

Approach a relationship with a clear head and quick wit and trust your instincts. Watch for the signs. If they seems too good to be true, they probably are! JM

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